Government protection 24/7

The Internet is 92% sex, hate and violence. With NetAlarmed, you and your family are protected 100% from these dangers, even when not using the Internet*.

How will NetAlarmed work?

NetAlarmed provides the ultimate protection against dangerous and obscene Internet content. Every time you visit a website, the site is also checked at the NetAlarmed Data Centre in Canberra, ACT.

Depending on the sites content, it is then approved or blocked to those accessing the Internet from within Australia. If a site is blacklisted you will be safe in knowing the site was not suitable for viewing.

Here's an example:

NetAlarmed Example

Does that mean slower web surfing?

Is slower web surfing a problem when it means safer web surfing? Depending on the amount of websites on the 'block list,' load time for websites may take up to 3 minutes. When you consider Australia has the fastest broadband network in the world, this is still faster than other countries view websites.

What happens if I visit a blacklisted website?

The website will not load. Depending on the content of the website you tried to visit, your personal information and internet browsing history may be passed onto the NetAlarmed Internet Crimes Division for investigation.

I'm an adult. Can I opt-out?

Sure, but feedback to NetAlarmed suggests only a small amount of Australians will choose to opt-out (mainly felons). For those that do choose to opt-out, rest assured your personal details will be kept completely confidential on the NetAlarmed Watch List.

How will the Goverment protect me offline as well as online?

We are not entirely sure just yet, but don't worry. Just like we are not entirely sure how to even filter the Internet, lack of knowledge amidst professional advice has never stopped us from claiming we can do something.* Everything can be done at a cost.

This sounds great! Do I need to do anything?

Only have a night on the town, by yourself! With NetAlarmed there's no need to look after your own children. We're a tax paid babysitter for every night of the week. Enjoy a cocktail at the expense of freedom.

Internet Babysitter

Everday Ozzies Show Support for NetAlarmed

"Ever since we were chosen by Mr Conroy to participate in the NetAlarmed trial, our home life has improved markedly. Previously, my husband would spend hours each night locked away in his darkened study doing his online banking. Since we got NetAlarmed, Phil now has to do his banking at the branch, which means more time for the two of us... Thank you Stephen!"

Belinda and Philip, Coffs Harbour NSW

*Actual ability for the Federal Government to protect offline may not be possible in some regional areas of Australia due to lack of services. 1. Statistic representative of scientific media hysterics.

This website is fictional. It is a work of satire in response to Australian Government's absurd Internet censorship policy and the former NetAlert policy. Despite national criticism from industry groups, professionals and citizens, Kevin Rudd and Minister for Broadband, Communications and the Digital Economy, Stephen Conroy, plan to implement mandatory internet filtering in 2008.

The dangers of Internet censorship outlined here are real. Educate your children about the Internet just as you would warn them about the dangers of everyday life. Australia does not require a Government babysitter.

Contact NetAlarmed with feedback or visit my blog, Somebody Think Of The Children if you would like to find out more information about Internet Censorship in Australia or NetAlarmed.